I'm not sure if I am being overly sensitive or if I really feel this way but I am ready for a break! I am tired of up and down days. I hope these feelings go away soon. I can't really complain though; I have had a pretty good pregnancy.
To start things off, I am trying, very unsuccessfully, to not stress about going onto maternity leave. I am torn between wanting my students to get the best education possible and taking time off for my baby. I know I will do what is best for my family and I will take the time off that is needed. However, I don't want the kids to suffer because the preparation of the substitute is not done well. For example, I have getting 3 subs. 2 are confirmed, but one of the two does not realize that I will not be doing work from home. This is not a "sub for a day" situation. This sub needs to be able to teach. The first sub they hired I know is a good because she has already taught. Should I worry? Most say no. Some say, it's your job and you need to give a little to make it work out for what is best. I don't want to worry about it, but I don't know how not to worry about it. It's my job, it's our support and it's the future of America, as my husband would put it. I don't want them to miss anything. I know in my head that finding the sub is not my responsibility, but should it be my responsibility to teach the sub how to teach before I do go on leave? And then that leads into the next issue; they told a sub a date but what if not everything goes as planned? I don't know what do to do about that situation and I want everyone, including myself, to be prepared to leave for the 6 weeks or more, that I will be out. Those that are making me feel guilty about leaving and not helping the whole time make me want to cry...so I do...and someday I'll get over it.
Part two of my hormonal worries: glucose test. I didn't pass the 1 hour glucose test. It worries me a little since the sonogram specialist said our baby was fat and could be a sign of gestational diabetes. Then I go and take the test and I don't pass it. So now I have to take one of my days off (which I have been saving) to go take a 3 hour glucose test where I have to start fasting at midnight. I am not allowed to eat or drink until it's over, which would be nearly noon the next day. If this doesn't turn out well, I'll have to be monitored closely. I just don't want to have that stress added to the school stress. Which in turn makes me sad and want to cry.
Since I am generally not a crier, I would like to think that this is all hormonal and I am blowing things way out of proportion. I mean, that is the only thing I can think of as to why I am worrying so much more than I normally do.
On the bright side, I am so happy that in 10 weeks, I really won't be worrying about it because my precious little baby girl will be here. I am so ready to meet her! Things in my little world are about to change drastically!
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